REALLY???

My friend Sally and I have said this a million times to each other.  It is always said with a smile and often a giggle as well.  Sometime, it is barely able to be said through the laughter and rolling tears that accompany the belly laughter.  Really??  It's the declaration that whatever is to come next is absurd, ridiculous, preposterous, outrageous and we have to share it.  We have to share it right now and with each other! 
It's awesome to have a Really? friend to call. 
Lately, it seems like I kind of live in REALLY? land.  My work with the public has me often saying REALLY?  My parenting experience has more REALLY? moments as the kids get older.  And my wifing, well... REALLY???? hahahhaha 

Each time this word comes into my day, I smile, I laugh and I enjoy it.  I think that God plans it that way for me.  REALLY!!

I talk to the radio

I drive.  I drive to work in the morning, home in the evening, around the village at lunch just for the scenery.  I drive kids back and forth to and from their friends' homes, church events and school activities.  I drive to the grocery stor, mall, office supply store and of course the dollar store.  I drive out to dinner, breakfast on the weekends and yes, to lunch as well.  I drive.  I don't care to be a passenger.  I like to drive.   Passengers change with the task.  Often times my daughter is with me, my husband on occasion and less and less my son, who now has also become a driver.  I drive friends or kids of friends or friends of my kids.  Where I travel changes as well.  Sometimes a short errand sometimes a long journey.  But... I drive.  The connection always is my radio.  I have my radio set to a family friendly radio station that can be heard by anyone who happens to be in my car.  I don't worry about inappropriate language or off color humor.  The radio station engages me in a very real sort of way.  I'm not sure if it's because I ride with them every morning on my way to work or if it is because they are asking and I feel the need to help.  But, while I'm driving... I talk to the radio!!  Is that weird??  They have people who call in with dilemas that they need answers to, I answer them!  They have contests that people call into win, I answer those!  Sometimes though, I just feel like they need to hear a piece of my wisdom.  So, I call in.  Then I start rehearsing!   I run over in my head what I'm going to say.  I say it again and again.  the phone is ringing.  I say it again just to be sure it sounds all right.  the phone is answered.  I use my "radio calm voice" and tell my story.  Then... I forget what I was going to say.  REALLY!  It doesn't seem important anymore.  It isn't as profound as I had thought, just seconds before hand.  It seems that once it comes out of my mouth it is gone.  Disappearing both in memory and in importance.  So now, as I drive I talk to the radio.  Just the radio.  I quit calling in, I decided that if I can keep the profoundness alive just a little bit longer, I will.  Then, I will share it with my blog.

What to do NOW?

I am here... at my job... waiting for the phone to ring or the email to ding or the office girls to sing or... just about anything!!  There is nothing to do!  I am to be here for at least 2 more hours and there is nothing to work on.  I am customer service so if there aren't any customers to serve, I am in ?????????????  what happens in the void of customer service?  I have spent time of facebook.  I have visited others but don't want to be gone too long in case, just in case there is a customer afoot that I could serve.  So far, no luck.  I have talked with 4 customers all day.  I have been here for 7 hours so far, 4 customers served.  Check!  NOW WHAT???  I am not used to waiting.  I usually have a project or 2 or 10 to work on.  I usually have an idea of what is coming down the pike so that I can get started on it.  I usually... have a job I love doing and do it well.  Ahhhh  here we go again, me missing my old job.  See how it just creeps up on me like that?  I miss messing around with Jordan or even more, me and Jordan messing around with Rhonda!  I miss the frequent interruptions.  I miss the comfortableness of knowing what to do next without someone having to tell me.  I miss being creative and thinking into the future. 
God, you put me here.  I really don't know why.  I am not loving it.  Is this really what you had in mind?  What should I be thinking about?  What should I be learning?  What should I be talking about?  What should I do now?
I love you, I'll be patient.  Please hurry.
Marie

Day 3

OK GOD!
I am here, almost ready for another day.  I ask you now for strength.  I ask you now for nerves that won't fray.  I ask you for humor in the day and peace in my soul.  I only have half a day.  Thank you for letting me spend the afternoon with Sydney.  She is such a bright spot in my world.  Thank you for giving her to me even though I didn't even know I wanted a girl.  Thank you for giving her such a sweet spirit and intuitive mind.  Please give us some special time together today.  I hope that we're going to be able to help Greg and his family.  Please open doors for us to talk about the non profit and how to fund it.  Use us well today.
I love you!  Thanks for coming with me to work today.  STAY CLOSE!!  I'm going to need you!
Marie

First Day

Today is the first day of my new job.  It's not a career - yet.  It's a job.  I am working for money and benefits.  I have no vested interest in this.  I feel like I am selling out.  I could be using my time so much better!  Couldn't I ?  At least I am being a partner for my family and helping with the benefits.  At least I have something to do during the day.  At least I have some income.  At least, that's where I am now, the least.

God,
Thank you for providing this place for me.  Thank you for giving me something to keep me busy.  Please use me, today... tomorrow... soon!!
Marie

Remember Me?

I am feeling very selfish today.  I am soaking in self pity justified by having a panic attack at church this morning.  I took my medication and my nap and now I am going to write it all down.  I hope that this will help work itself out of me and help me think about it later to see what I was thinking and how I have grown.  That doesn't mean that these feelings are not justified, just that I hope to grow from this.

Paul,
Hi, remember me?
My name is Marie.
I used to be a part of your family.
I used to be someone who was faithful to you.
I used to be directed by the decisions you made.
I looked up to you.
I stuck up for you.
I chose to follow you as a leader.
I tried to help others understand that you are compassionate.
I prayed for you regularly as a preacher.
I prayed for you regularly as Susie was healing.
I stopped you to ask how she was doing.
I prayed for you regularly as you traveled to India.
I prayed, and therefore I was invested in you and cared for you.
I didn't bother you with phone calls or emails, I knew you were too busy.
I didn't chat you up in the hallways, I knew there were people who needed to talk to you more than I did.
I was in your "family"
Now I'm not.
Have you noticed?
I am doing OK in case you wondered.
I still pray for you.
Do you pray for me?  - I need it!
Have you noticed that I'm gone?
You once said to me that things wouldn't be the same at Green without me, are they?
I am Marie.
I worked with you and for you.  I honored you and your decisions.  I cared about you and your family.
Do you remember me?
I am not there anymore.
Have you noticed?

Not quite yet

I don't quite have the hang of this blog thing yet.  I am not really trying to learn though.  Every now and then I just type myself a note... kinda.

I am still struggling a bit through this unemployment cycle I am in.  I have interviewed twice with a company that seems like they would love to have me work there.  Another meeting set for this coming Wednesday will surely have more answers? I hope so.  One side of it is that this job will offer me security, some monetary, but mostly for benefits and social comfort.  The other side is that I will be doing WORK!  I know this sounds silly, but I don't want to WORK!  I want to minister.  I have seen so much to do and even have ideas about ways to do it.  I don't know if I can just turn off my passion and "go to work".  I don't even know if I should.  I am praying, here publicly, that God will just "plop" me where He would like me to be.  I am beginning to seek advice and help in starting a non-profit so that I will be able to accept grants and donations and support to begin what I hope will be a fruitful ministry teaching children character in elementary schools.  It will benefit the children, higher character brings higher success.  It will benefit the schools, but offering these services at little or no cost, the schools will not have to spend money that they could be spending elsewhere.  It will benefit the cities that we teach.  Citizens of good character are of course what will change the world we live in!

I hope to be someone that they know they can come to with problems or needs.  I hope to be a support to the schools.  I hope to change the lives of kids and their families.  I hope to be a Christian out loud.

I Cried in India

 I was just listening to the recorded satellite call from India to the Green
> Campus at the 11:00 service. I know now why people kept asking me if I was
> OK. I mentioned that I hadn't been able to stop crying long enough to think
> of a story that would make the congregation cry. The truth is that I had
> packed away my emotions to deal with at a later date. They weren't all bad,
> just too much for right then.
>
> I was crying for many reasons, I'll bet you would be able to understand some
> of them.
>
> I was crying out of sheer gratitude to God for bringing us to India. The
> people were so kind and beautiful. We were honored every day by many people
> in different parts of the country. It was so humbling to be given flower
> garlands and chai by people who live in dung huts. They give so freely. It
> was a great picture for us.
>
> I was crying out of nervous anticipation. I still couldn't believe that we
> could be of use to God in a place like this where we knew nothing about
> everything! We had to completely live in the Faith that God was with us and
> that He knew what was going on, what He would have us do and that He would
> take care of the details. It was a great exercise for us all.
>
> I was crying out of exhaustion. It was mentally draining to have to take in
> so much in so short a time. Physically it was hot, we were in a different
> time zone and all of the food had curry in it! We learned that life is
> about more than comfort. It was a good lesson on how to re-focus our
> priorities.
>
> I was crying because I think Christ would have cried. There were so many
> faithful people there. They were extremely dutiful in completing the task
> that their religion had for them to do. They would get up early in the
> morning to pray, work in the fields all day and then still be at the temple
> until late at night. Their allegiance was to the wrong god. They just
> don't know the One True God. They were wasting all of their God given
> actions of Worship and Submission and Honor on man made statues and ideas of
> many gods that are trinkets that they sell at roadside stands. It was so
> shameful to measure our little "service projects" to the REAL GOD to their
> service life to statues!
>
> I was crying because each and every day, God blessed each one of us
> individually and in such a special way. He knew just what each one of us
> needed and provided exactly that. I know after a particularly hard day, we
> were on the roof of our uncompleted hotel. We looked out and saw a
> magnificent sunset. "You have done well today. I am right here, don't
> worry." Were the words that came to my heart. What an encouragement at the
> end of a long day.
>
> I was crying from laughing so hard. God sure has a great sense of humor.
> We knew he must have been laughing when we drove through the city of Mumbai,
> or saw me trying to get on the elephant or when we ordered "the American
> Breakfast" or when we did the Chicken Dance at the Good Shepherd School or
> when we got a relaxing massage, or even when the waiter brought me "more
> coffee" to the meeting room in the basement of the hotel! Who wouldn't have
> had to laugh so hard you cried.
>
> When things touch my heart I cry. It seemed that in India, everything
> touched my heart in very different special ways. I think that each one of
> those things was put there to touch my heart because God thought I needed to
> be touched and changed by them. I think that He knew exactly what would
> make me cry and planned it that way. That made me cry too!
> 

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'

1 Corinicles 29:18

“O Lord, God of our fathers Abraham, Isaac and Israel, keep this desire in the hearts of your people forever, and keep their hearts loyal.

Loyalty can be described as to be firm, established, be steadfast, be faithful, be sure, be reliable, be fixed, be certain, be ready, to be totally taken by, without question, dedicated daily to, with all your heat, be committed.  With all your heart and soul and mind and strength.

Let’s think through this though.  When are you loyal?  Would you renounce your loyalty if…

1. Evil threatened your well being?
2. Evil threatened the well-being of your family?
3. Evil threatened the well-being of your unsaved family?
4. The person driving in front of you was driving too slowly?
5. Your neighbors’ dog barked all night long?
6. Your boss expected unreasonable performance from you?
7. Your friends include you in an evening out with alcohol involved?
8. Your children misbehave in the grocery store?
9. Your child misses curfew?
10. Your husband didn’t appreciate the special dinner you made for him?

I think sometimes it is easier for us to imagine this question in the context of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and say I know I wouldn’t renounce my faith.  My heart is loyal to you Lord.  Or, to imagine ourselves in the end times refusing the mark or standing in the line at the guillotine saying out loud I love you Lord even if our heads would be removed.  Then, death would be the only consequence.  We can die.  We love the Lord and we know that Christ has saved us from that consequence.  But, what about the other circumstances, do we really lose our “heart loyalty” every time we lose our temper?  When we lose patience with someone are we losing our loyalty?  When we aren’t kind or don’t make wise choices or don’t make peace the proper way, are we really holding up our end of the loyalty agreement that we made with God? 

Mark 12: 30. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'

I think of this verse in a relationship sense.  Let me explain, when we first meet someone and start a relationship, either in a romantic relationship or a friendship, we say we “love them with all our heart”.  (“She is such a sweetheart, I just love her!”)They fill up that void, we are excited to see them.  We want to spend time with them.  We talk to them on the phone for hours.  But we are still getting to know them.

After awhile, we love them with all of our soul.  We often say, “we are soul mates” we think alike, we act alike, at times we even talk alike.  We discover the good in them and their strengths and we like to think that we have likenesses with them.

When we are long in our relationship, we tire of hearing the same conversations, we become more comfortable with the person and would maybe say, I’m to busy to  talk right now.  You KNOW that you love them, but you don’t “feel” in love so much anymore.  It is a conscious decision to love them, not just a sweeping feeling.

Once we’re married for a period, we realize that sometimes we have to love someone with all of our strength.  We don’t feel that sweeping love, in fact…  we could reason out in our heads that in fact we never really even felt “real” love at all.  But, in our commitment to God, to our spouse, to our children we find that we can pull through this rough spot if we remember to love them with “all of our strength”.

That’s how God wants us to love him.  Through it all, through the beginning of becoming a Christian, when all you want to do is have quiet time and read the Bible.  Through the “honeymoon” period where we do everything we can to be just like Jesus and do everything right.  Through the comfortable period when the freshness tires and we grow through knowledge and even when it gets hard and the only way to hang on to God’s love is with all of our strength. 

It is sometimes easier to hang on with all of your strength, when you are being threatened or tested.  Like you hold on to your child’s hand in a parking lot, but once we’re in a safer place or a more comfortable place, our grip loosens a bit.  We sometimes forget or get lazy about using all our mind and all our strength. 

When you are in a situation when you are relaxed (like your home in the evening) remember with all your mind, with all your strength.  Don’t loose your loyalty and your faithfulness and your firmness and your determination to do right.  Be prepared.  Be ready.  Use ALL YOUR MIND and ALL YOUR STRENGTH to be loyal to Christ and the life He would have us lead.  Your family will notice.  And they will be thankful.

He is here!

My Story of the Week!                                                                                    Feb ‘07

My brother is engaged to a first grade teacher at Erie Island School in the Buchtel district of Akron Public Schools.  She allows me to come to her class and read with her kids on Wednesdays.  Since it is a public school setting, I cannot talk about God.  I have been praying for God to be there even though we can’t use His name.  I have been there just a few times (3) so far.  We have learned to be kind, to not be lazy and to always tell the truth.  Last Wednesday was my fourth visit.  It was a makeup Valentines Party because of the snow days.  I was ready with my red shirt and even took my face paints to liven up the party.  When I got there, all of the children stood up at their desks and sang Happy Birthday to Miss Marie.  When they finished, two boys presented me with cupcakes and I shared.  It turns out that it was a dual-purpose party!

As I finished painting the last of the cheeks Mrs. Nic. (the teacher) put a stool in the middle of the classroom and had me sit in it.  She instructed the kids to all sit down.  It was time for the “real surprise”.  I sat and she gave me a gift to open.  It was a vase.  She told me to sit it on the floor because I would need to use it for the rest of the gift.  As she called each child to her desk she handed him a Hershey kiss and a Hershey hug to give to me.  She also gave each of them an envelope.  They handed me the candies and envelopes with such big smiles, it looked like they might burst!  I started opening the envelopes to find the best birthday gift ever.  Each envelope had a note from the child that said something like “Happy Birthday Miss Marie, Have fun in India, I hope you get to help a lot of people and make new friends.  Each envelope also had a five-dollar bill.

It turns out that Mrs. Nic and my brother had shared with the kids in the class that I would be going to India to help others.  Then, they gave the money that they were giving for support to the kids in $5 bills.  The kids spent the day learning about how to count by 5’s and about how nice it would be to help me to go to India so that I could “help others”.  The kids all agreed and they made cards. 

I could only open a few of them through my tears.  The rest I saved and got help opening later.  They donated $100.00!  One mother that was in the class at the time, got into her own purse and added another $5.00.  Isn’t it funny that even when we can’t use His name, He is there with us?  He can touch lives in all kinds of ways using the most unsuspecting people.  I know He is good, I just love it that He keeps showing me over and over and over!

Marie 

A Long Note

I don’t quite know where to begin with the story, so maybe I can just lay down some background with facts. 

I have been attending The Chapel since 1972.  It is my church.  I was married here in 1990.  My children were each dedicated and baptized here.  I have learned, worshipped and served here, all before I was employed here.  I am not a church worker, I worked here because it was my church.  The Chapel was the place I chose to attend because my family attended here.  I stayed because the teaching was from the Bible.  Plain and simple truth was good.  I trusted those that taught me to be men of God who prayed and sought after Him for wisdom not only in their teachings but also in their lives.  I still do.  Let me tell you why.

December 2010 my family and I took a vacation to Disney World.  We left behind family and parties and gifts to spend time relaxing and enjoying each other.  It was the first time ever that we have spent the holidays away.  While away, I dreamt.  I had a dream each night that I was let go from my position at the church.  Each time in my dream, I was calm.  I wasn’t worried, scared or betrayed.  I was accepting.  I told people that God must have somewhere else for me to be.  As I woke each morning, I would tell Stosh about my dreams.  He would just laugh and say “ya, like they’re really going to get rid of you!  You really are dreaming!” Night after night, it happened over and over.  After we returned home, I shared my dream with Janice and Rhonda, we all laughed together.

In February Zac came into our office to let us know that the leadership team would have to make cuts.  He gently and calmly explained that no position was safe and that the trustees needed to make a few decisions and then we would be able to have more information.  Rhonda’s eyes got HUGE and she said “ It’s just like your dream!”  I was much less emphatic as I shook my head and smiled.  “Yes, I know”. 

Over the next month many people weighed in with their opinions of who would go and who would stay.  Although almost all of the opinions we heard were that the kids ministry would be “safe” I had in the back of my mind that I DID HAVE A DREAM – over and over.  I didn’t ever really feel “safe”.  Even though I didn’t feel that my job was secure, I wasn’t worried, scared or concerned.  I had already gone through this and it was OK.  On Tuesday I got a phone call that I should meet with David Fletcher in the prayer room at 9am on Wednesday.  Although there was still a lot of speculation of what the meeting was about, I knew.  I tried to prepare myself.

Wednesday morning  I woke up with dread.  I didn’t want  a meeting.  I didn’t want to think about it.  I didn’t want to get dressed.  I didn’t know what to wear even if I did get dressed.  CRAP!!!  Ok, what does one wear to a meeting like this anyway?  So as not to appear too brown nosey, I decided not to wear dress pants.  Jeans were not appropriate either, so Dockers would do.  Silly how I worried about pants right?  It was a coping mechanism I’m sure.  I came to the office after dropping the kids off and tried to think of a way to tell Jordan, who was the only one who wasn’t in the office to hear the news on Tuesday that I had “a meeting” with David.  He was pretty sure it was for restructuring purposes.  I knew it wasn’t.  

8:34 – It doesn’t take that long to walk from my office to the prayer room.  Sit still.

8:40 – Only 6 minutes???  Are you kidding me??  Why is this taking so long?

8:50 – Only 10 minutes left.

8:59 – Oh no!  I had better run, don’t tell anyone you’re leaving, just run.  You don’t                           want them to have to wait for you.

9:00 – Hello (smile, handshakes)  “Marie, it’s time for a hard conversation” huuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  I really don’t remember the  rest of the words.  I was red in the face.  I was embarrassed.  WHY?  I don’t know.  I was sorry for the men in the room.  I was so worried for them because they had to do such hard things.  I was shaking.  I was doing everything I could do to just stay in the chair and not run away.  OK, walk quickly away – we all know I couldn’t run!  Then, as we ended, I said something so ridiculous, even in my shocked state I still laughed.  I said “thank you!”  In an instant I heard what I had just said and laughed.  Although it was a truly honest reaction, I wish I had held it in a bit longer.  I left the room to go sign papers and process what I had just heard.  I knew already, why was I so shocked?  As I came out of Susan’s office Zac was waiting for me.  He offered me time to chat in his office.  He wanted me to know that this was not easy for him.  He wanted me to know that he cared about what was happening.  I know.  I felt sorry for him.  I felt sorry for them all.  Zac walked back with me to the office to tell the rest of our team.  He was gracious to share the news with them so that I could take deep breaths and try to compose myself.  Why was I crying?  I knew it was going to happen.  I was prepared.  I shared my dream with the team and I said all of the right words.  As I said them, I heard them.  I prayed later that I would believe them in my heart and not just my head.  I told them all that I would be OK.  When?  Who knows, but someday I would be OK.

Well, as it turns out tonight was when!  It’s Sunday night March 6^th.  I have just returned from Illuminate.  Tonight is when I am OK.  It took a few days.  I woke on Thursday with a nauseous headache.  It turned out to be a very sad sad day.  As the day went on, my headache got better bit by bit.  My sadness left bit by bit as well.  Friday morning I woke up to no headache and got ready to go to school and teach character lessons.  I had a wonderful day with the kids.  A lot of really cool stuff happened and I even got to have lunch with a little boy whose parents are getting divorced.  He was VERY talkative.  Sounded like he was trying to figure things out too.

Over the weekend, I started to ask questions.

Why me?

What could I have done to be more indispensable?

What could I have done to be more desirable?

I wonder if …

If they really thought I was part of “The Chapel Family” then why?

How could they have?

Why didn’t they just?

I thought Zac was my friend, was he?

Did anyone know how much I worked?

Do I matter to anyone?

All of these questions are honest, but even as I thought them I pushed them out of my mind.  I tried to keep focusing on the facts.

I trust my pastors.  I had the dreams.  I believe I have done a good job.  I believe that God is happy with me and would not have allowed this to happen if He didn’t want it to.  I love Zac.  He is wise, I’ve told people so.  The staffing budget has for many years been too big.  It has cut into our programming budget.  Every year since I started working at The Chapel our budget has been tight tight tight.  I knew it was going to happen. 

Gail Benn prayed with me that I would start to believe in my heart what I already knew in my head.

Well… tonight it happened.  It clicked. 

As I sat in Illuminate with Jacob Ley leading us in humility and confession, I found myself confessing.  I confessed feeling anger, sadness, pride.  I confessed in my heart and in my mind.  I opened my heart to God and His grace.  I had been clinging onto Him, but I have not been allowing him in.  I finally confessed that I had been handling it on my own and my own mind and not allowing Him to heal my heart. 

As the service ended, we sang.  And these are the words we sang

In Christ alone my hope is found

He is my light, my strength, my song

This Cornerstone, this solid ground

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm  (I began to sob)

What heights of love, what depths of peace

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease

My Comforter, my All in All

Here in the love of Christ I stand

And as He stands in victory

Sin?s curse has lost its grip on me

For I am His and He is mine

Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death

This is the power of Christ in me

From a life?s first cry to final breath

Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man

Could ever pluck me from His hand

?Til He returns or calls me home

Here in the power of Christ I stand

I will stand, I will stand

All other ground is sinking sand

All other ground, all other ground

Is sinking sand, is sinking sand

So I stand

Then it occurred to me.  The very reason that I trust leadership is the reason that I can still trust leadership.  They are faithful.  Zac didn’t betray me.  I wasn’t separated from Zac by this decision.  I was joined with him in this decision.  God knew that I would doubt so He gave me dreams that this would happen.  He assured me that I would be OK.  He helped me not to worry because I had already seen that I wasn’t worried or afraid.  He was the one that gave me the peace that I was feeling.  Of course He was the one that gave Zac the same peace with his decision.  I prayed for my leaders’ wisdom in making decisions.  I prayed for their strength, stamina and their heavy hearts.  I prayed that God would give them the assurance that the decisions they were making were the right ones.  HE DID!!!  See, since I was told that I would be let go, if I wasn’t then I would know that my leaders did NOT follow God’s leading.  But since God set this all up ahead of time, December to be exact, the only way that I would know it was good to trust my leaders is if they chose to let ME go!  Did you follow that?  What a wonderful thing to know that my trust is confirmed and that what I thought may come between the friend that was my boss would be a blessing that the two of us could share as siblings in Christ.   WOOO HOOOO!!! 

Thank you God for loving me so much.  Thank you for taking me to work with you for the last 8 years.  Thank you for the gift of people that you have placed in my life and the lives of my kids.  Thank you for drawing Stosh closer to you each day.  Thank you for the life you have given us.  Now, as we prepare to cope with change, please hold us closely.  Shut doors quickly that we should not go through.  Push us quickly into the doorways that lead to Your path.  Help me get busy quickly and productively. Help me to know that you will be honored and glorified in whatever will be the next station in my life.  Protect me from wasting my time wherever I am.  God, thank you for Zac.  Thank you that he loves you and trusts you and is obedient to you.  Thank you that I can trust him.  I love you so much.  I know you loved me first, you love me most, you love me perfectly and you love me still.  Thank you for reassurance in you!

In Jesus Name,

Marie

And as we left the sanctuary we sang again.  This is what we sang.

So you thought you had to keep this up

All the work that you do

So we think that you're good

And you can't believe it's not enough

All the walls you built up

Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down

There's freedom waiting in the sound

When you let your walls fall to the ground

We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh

This is where the healing starts

When you come to where you're broken within

The light meets the dark

The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out

Everything that you hide

Can come crashing through the door now

But too scared to face all your fear

So you hide but you find

That the shame won't disappear

So let it fall down

There's freedom waiting in the sound

When you let your walls fall to the ground

We're here now

We're here now, oh

This is where the healing begins, oh

This is where the healing starts

When you come to where you're broken within

The light meets the dark

The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides

With the dark inside of us

So please don't fight

This coming light

Let this blood come cover us

His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh

This is where the healing starts

When you come to where you're broken within

The light meets the dark

The light meets the dark

Now, as I write this I realize that God doesn’t just love me alone, He loves you all too.  He loves you enough to give you this display of his love and his protection.  He loves you enough to use me and Zac and our amazing story right in front of you so that you too will be able to trust your leadership.  You will know that my prayers were answered and so were theirs.  You will know that even though there were tough decisions made, God is in control.  Be still… KNOW that He is God! 

If any of you would like to talk about this, please call me.  I think I’ve said it all, but by all means if there is any doubt left in your mind… CALL!

Thank you God!  I love you too!!

Thank you Zac, really, no snirkiness this time.  Thank You!

Today is Monday

I woke up this morning in an interesting mood.  I was rested.  I was silly.  I was not in a hurry.  I didn't need to get ready for anything.
See, a few weeks ago, I was downsized from my job.  I think that's a funny way to put it.  I would love to be downsized from a lot of things, butt, legs, belly fat, but not job!  Anyway, there are some things that you wait to do until you have a "day off" I did those.  Today is Monday, I am beginning my first week of really nothing to do.  I am feeling useless in some ways, I am not quite sure what do begin.  I am feeling lazy in some ways, I hate to do laundry which is the ONE THING that always needs done and is constantly haunting me from the basement.  I am feeling indulgent.  I took the kids to school in sweat pants that I had tucked my nightgown into so that I could get quickly bad into bed when I got home.  I am feeling excited.  There are many new opportunities for me out there.  I am looking forward to researching non profit status and seeing if there isn't a way to get paid for my character education classes that I love doing so much.  I feel scared.  I haven't been in this state of employment for a very long time.  I don't know what is next.  I am hopeful and my hope is in Christ, please pray that my security will be as well.  I know what I believe, God please let me believe what I know.  Today is Monday.  I had better get started... on WHAT?