Remember Me?

I am feeling very selfish today.  I am soaking in self pity justified by having a panic attack at church this morning.  I took my medication and my nap and now I am going to write it all down.  I hope that this will help work itself out of me and help me think about it later to see what I was thinking and how I have grown.  That doesn't mean that these feelings are not justified, just that I hope to grow from this.

Paul,
Hi, remember me?
My name is Marie.
I used to be a part of your family.
I used to be someone who was faithful to you.
I used to be directed by the decisions you made.
I looked up to you.
I stuck up for you.
I chose to follow you as a leader.
I tried to help others understand that you are compassionate.
I prayed for you regularly as a preacher.
I prayed for you regularly as Susie was healing.
I stopped you to ask how she was doing.
I prayed for you regularly as you traveled to India.
I prayed, and therefore I was invested in you and cared for you.
I didn't bother you with phone calls or emails, I knew you were too busy.
I didn't chat you up in the hallways, I knew there were people who needed to talk to you more than I did.
I was in your "family"
Now I'm not.
Have you noticed?
I am doing OK in case you wondered.
I still pray for you.
Do you pray for me?  - I need it!
Have you noticed that I'm gone?
You once said to me that things wouldn't be the same at Green without me, are they?
I am Marie.
I worked with you and for you.  I honored you and your decisions.  I cared about you and your family.
Do you remember me?
I am not there anymore.
Have you noticed?